My depression unfortunately has been overshadowing much of my life recently and I have had a harder time than normal dealing with it. Probably because it came on in a different way - not with my usual triggers, so I was denying that I'd had a relapse.
Recently I found the courage to open up and tell my mum about a secret I've kept for 25years. I am not ready nor strong enough to say it here (perhaps I'll write a book about it), this was very hard for me to do, and it's just as hard for me to talk in riddles but I feel the need to justify myself and apologise for my absence. I have obligations to companies and I have not recently fulfilled them, the guilt is eating me up.
2012 has been a very rough year for me personally, but I am looking forward to 2013. There are so many things to be thankful and positive about so I will focus on them.
- My Cousin Lee had her first baby last night. Isabella Jayde and Lee are both healthy and happy. I am so proud and soppy right now! Lee is more like a little sister to me than a cousin.
- My Mum is moving forward and while the next few months will be hard for her, i believe she Will be happier than she's ever been. I see a woman who's been downtrodden and 'old' for so long finally emerging from her old life like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. I am here for her and will support her in every way possible. I want to rebuild our relationship and have my best friend back.
- My children are growing up! They are healthy (mostly - and when not, we are managing the issues!), and happy although they fight like cats and dogs - but that's normal!! My baby first born is 12 years old now and next year will be in his final year of primary school - he's worked so hard and I'm so proud of him.
- My baby girl is growing up too fast - 10 going on 25, head strong, and independent. I have no idea where she gets it from but I (think) I'm ready to meet her and guide her and encourage her! She's smart and creative and I can't wait to share her achievements with her - starting with her position in the Australian Youth Choir!
- My Smiley Riley - will be my baby boy forever, But - he's 8 now and finally starting to be independent and develop his own personality instead of being overshadowed by his older siblings. He too has been offered a position in the Australian Youth Choir and is looking forward to meeting other boys whom like to sing! I am so proud of him.
- I have planned time away for myself and the kids in January before school goes back, so excited to be taking them on a road trip - just the four of us, it's a first!!
- 2 working trips to Melbourne are planned for Paperific...
- A trip to New Zealand to teach again at Paper Scissors Chocolate retreat in Auckland :-)
- A trip to Ayers Rock for Easter with my wonderful supportive man.
- I have a goal - to lose 32kg + in 52 weeks. I MUST do this. My health, my life, depend on it in sooo many ways.
- There are may more but I'll not list them all here just now! LOL
I like to be busy and hate to let anyone down. I am told to trust people more, to open up so they can prove I can trust them as they are sure to understand and/or support me, that I am not alone in the world. So thank you - from the bottom of my heart, for reading this far and for being my friend. It means more than you could know!
I hope you all had/are still having(!) a Merry Christmas and a beautiful, bright, and promising New Year for 2013!