My depression unfortunately has been overshadowing much of my life recently and I have had a harder time than normal dealing with it. Probably because it came on in a different way - not with my usual triggers, so I was denying that I'd had a relapse.
Recently I found the courage to open up and tell my mum about a secret I've kept for 25years. I am not ready nor strong enough to say it here (perhaps I'll write a book about it), this was very hard for me to do, and it's just as hard for me to talk in riddles but I feel the need to justify myself and apologise for my absence. I have obligations to companies and I have not recently fulfilled them, the guilt is eating me up.
2012 has been a very rough year for me personally, but I am looking forward to 2013. There are so many things to be thankful and positive about so I will focus on them.
- My Cousin Lee had her first baby last night. Isabella Jayde and Lee are both healthy and happy. I am so proud and soppy right now! Lee is more like a little sister to me than a cousin.
- My Mum is moving forward and while the next few months will be hard for her, i believe she Will be happier than she's ever been. I see a woman who's been downtrodden and 'old' for so long finally emerging from her old life like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. I am here for her and will support her in every way possible. I want to rebuild our relationship and have my best friend back.
- My children are growing up! They are healthy (mostly - and when not, we are managing the issues!), and happy although they fight like cats and dogs - but that's normal!! My baby first born is 12 years old now and next year will be in his final year of primary school - he's worked so hard and I'm so proud of him.
- My baby girl is growing up too fast - 10 going on 25, head strong, and independent. I have no idea where she gets it from but I (think) I'm ready to meet her and guide her and encourage her! She's smart and creative and I can't wait to share her achievements with her - starting with her position in the Australian Youth Choir!
- My Smiley Riley - will be my baby boy forever, But - he's 8 now and finally starting to be independent and develop his own personality instead of being overshadowed by his older siblings. He too has been offered a position in the Australian Youth Choir and is looking forward to meeting other boys whom like to sing! I am so proud of him.
- I have planned time away for myself and the kids in January before school goes back, so excited to be taking them on a road trip - just the four of us, it's a first!!
- 2 working trips to Melbourne are planned for Paperific...
- A trip to New Zealand to teach again at Paper Scissors Chocolate retreat in Auckland :-)
- A trip to Ayers Rock for Easter with my wonderful supportive man.
- I have a goal - to lose 32kg + in 52 weeks. I MUST do this. My health, my life, depend on it in sooo many ways.
- There are may more but I'll not list them all here just now! LOL
I like to be busy and hate to let anyone down. I am told to trust people more, to open up so they can prove I can trust them as they are sure to understand and/or support me, that I am not alone in the world. So thank you - from the bottom of my heart, for reading this far and for being my friend. It means more than you could know!
I hope you all had/are still having(!) a Merry Christmas and a beautiful, bright, and promising New Year for 2013!
Jen
Jen I feel your pain within the lines of this post. I hope that 2013 will bring with it much joy, healing and hope to your heart. Never be afraid to ask for help or to speak up when something isn't working. You are valuable for who you are and not for what you do x
ReplyDeleteMwahhhhh Jen XXX May 2013 be your year, when all your hopes and dreams become a reality together with good health for you and your family and believing in yourself as much as we already do :-) XX
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